Worship Me in My Humanness

When a Domme Learns to Receive

There was a time when I was deeply drawn to humans with very full lives…people doing big things in the world, creating change, and making an impact. I imagined a partnership(s) where we would come together and ask, “What can we birth into this world together?” I wanted to dedicate my life to giving back, creating, healing, and being of service.

And in many ways, I still do.

I am still wildly attracted to epic humans who inspire the fuck out of me. I love people with vision, depth, purpose, and passion. It makes me want to cut them open so that I can lick their brains, kiss their hearts and make love to their insides.

But as a potential lifelong anchor partner?

I’m realizing that may not be what I want anymore.

Seasons change. Desires change. We change.

And maybe I’ve become a little more selfish.

Or maybe I’m finally becoming honest enough to admit that, at the end of the day, what I want more than anything in this life is to experience the most epic, wild, kind of love and romance…the kind filled with laughter, depth, adventure, devotion, and a whole lot of debauchery. A love where we never stop discovering one another, where life together feels both sacred and crazy alive…where I get to fall in love with the same person(s) over and over and over again.

When I traveled to Thailand last year, I came home with something stirring deeply inside of me:

I want to do less and BE more.

I’m tired of the fucking hustle.

Tired of working (and driving) so much. Tired of constantly asking myself how I can create more, help more, heal more, contribute more, make more of an impact.

I love what I do. Deeply.

I don’t want to stop.

But I don’t want my life to be measured by how much of myself I can pour out before there is nothing left for me.

I want more space.

More rest.

More pleasure (outside of work).

More care.

More receiving.

More moments where I don’t have to hold everything.

And perhaps most vulnerably, I want to create space for an anchor/nesting partner for whom devotion isn’t an obligation, but a desire. Someone who genuinely finds meaning, pleasure, and purpose in loving me this way.

I want to know what it feels like to be deeply served and worshipped.

Not worshipped because I am (close to) perfect. Not because I am performing some untouchable version of a Goddess or Domme.

I want to be worshipped in my humanness.

When I am powerful and when I am tired. When I am radiant and when I am messy. When I am leading and when I need to collapse into someone’s arms and be held.

I want someone who cares deeply about the whole of me…my emotional, mental, physical, sexual, and spiritual well-being….not because my wellness is his responsibility, but because tending to one another is part of the intimacy we choose.

Cook for me. Work out, play and sweat with/for me. Cuddle me. Kiss me. Kiss my hand. Kiss my forehead. Hold my hand. Praise me. Serve me.

Study me.

Learn the tiny things that make my body soften.

Pay attention so deeply that sometimes you are already one step ahead of what I need…Not because I demand perfection, but because there is something soooo intimate about being known that well.

And yes, I want my submissive to be my plaything. I want his surrender. I want the freedom to explore the darker, hungrier, sadistic parts of myself with someone who finds his own meaning and pleasure in surrendering (that cock, mind & body) to me.

I don’t want to have to make myself smaller, sweeter, or more digestible in order to receive that kind of devotion.

I want all of me to be welcomed at the altar. That’s right…Worship the fuck out of me!

And I want to experience what happens when I am loved in a way that allows me to soften into myself instead of constantly bracing against the world.

Outside of his devotion to me, I want him devoted to himself.

To his own inner work. His own becoming. His own wholeness.

I want someone who continually asks himself how he can grow, deepen, and become a better human, partner, and submissive…not as a performance for my approval, but because our dynamic calls both of us into deeper relationship with ourselves.

I’m realizing I don’t necessarily desire someone whose life is already overflowing with a million competing priorities.

I desire someone who has space for this.

Someone who genuinely wants a relationship where devotion, service, intimacy, and our D/s dynamic aren’t squeezed into whatever scraps of time remain after everything else.

Someone who wants to build a life where this bond is nurtured and watered with intention.

And there is something almost indescribable that happens inside me when I am loved this way.

I soften.

I exhale.

I become happier.

More open.

More playful.

More creative.

More resourced.

More ME.

There is something profoundly intimate about being loved by a submissive and feeling the depth of his devotion…not as something owed to me, but as something freely and continually offered.

He takes notes about the things that matter to me. He remembers the little details. Checks in on me to make sure I’ve nourished myself with food. He pushes himself to grow for himself and within our relationship. He delights in making my world more beautiful, pleasurable and easeful. My smile matters to him. There is joy in his worship, meaning in his service, and intention behind his surrender. He wears his cock cage as a constant, intimate reminder of that surrender and of the commitment we are choosing together.

There is something sacred to me about being carried in someone’s consciousness like that.

To be studied.

To be remembered.

To be anticipated.

To be chosen again and again through action, not just words.

And I want him to feel chosen too.

Not in the same way, of course. Not through some perfectly symmetrical exchange that would strip the polarity from what we are in this dynamic.

But through my attention.

My leadership.

My care.

My responsibility for the power he places in my hands.

Through the way I see him, challenge him, and cherish his surrender.

Because his submission is not something I am entitled to.

It is something he entrusts to me.

And my Dominance is not simply something I do to him.

It is something I bring into the space between us.

His devotion creates a sense of safety inside of me that I didn’t fully understand I was craving.

It gives my nervous system permission to unclench.

It gives me permission to put down the sword.

To stop holding everything for a moment.

To soften without feeling like I am giving up my power.

To receive without immediately wondering what I need to give back.

And from that place, doors inside of me begin to open.

There are chambers of my heart, my body, my sexuality, my tenderness, my darkness, my softness that very few people ever get to witness—much less touch.

Those places aren’t opened through force.

They are opened through trust.

Through safety.

Through consistency.

Through devotion.

Through someone showing me, over and over again: I am here. Let me serve you. Let me care for you. Let me love you.

And through me answering (in my own time and language): I see what you are gifting me. I honor it. I will not take your surrender for granted. I love you! Thank you!

That is what makes the bond between a Domme and her submissive so precious to me.

At its deepest, it isn’t simply about power.

It is about trust.

It is about surrender.

It is about responsibility.

It is about being witnessed so completely that both people are invited deeper into themselves.

And when that exchange is rooted in love, consent, integrity, devotion, and genuine care, it feels sacred to me.

Almost ceremonial.

His surrender becomes an offering.

My Dominance becomes an offering.

His service nourishes something deep within me.

My leadership nourishes something in him.

Neither cancels the other out.

Neither keeps score.

And somewhere in the space between those two offerings, something exists that belongs only to us.

I have spent so many years prioritizing my healing and growth. I have poured myself into raising my children. I have poured myself into my work, my clients, my purpose, my education, and becoming the woman I wanted to be…the woman I so deeply love now.

I have spent years learning how to survive, provide, lead, create, hold, and give.

I don’t regret any of it.

And I think I am entering a season where I want to learn something different.

I want to learn how to receive without apology.

How to be cared for without feeling like I have to earn it.

How to allow another human’s devotion to actually reach the deepest darkest parts of me.

I no longer want my intimate relationship(s) living somewhere near the bottom of a very long list of things that need me.

I want to prioritize love.

I want to prioritize devotion.

I want to prioritize this new D/s relationship and allow myself to discover what becomes possible when two people consciously choose this kind of bond…When one finds profound fulfillment in surrender and service, and the other finds profound fulfillment in receiving that surrender, holding it responsibly, and leading.

Maybe this chapter isn’t about becoming more.

Maybe it’s about finally allowing myself to be held in everything I already am.

Maybe it’s not about giving more of myself away.

Maybe it’s about discovering what becomes possible when I am nourished by the relationships I pour myself into, too.

Maybe it’s about opening my hands, and allowing myself to receive and surrender…

I am filled with overwhelming gratitude for the human who is showing me that this kind of devotion is possible.

That I don’t always have to be the one holding everything.

That receiving someone’s service doesn’t make it less sacred.

That being deeply devoted to doesn’t mean taking someone for granted.

That Dominance and submission can be profoundly asymmetrical in expression while still being deeply mutual in care.

That there is sacredness in surrender on both sides of the leash.

And that perhaps one of the deepest forms of power I am learning now is simply allowing myself to be loved this much.

Thank you, DPP!